Advice+Column

= =  __Ask Joan__ ﻿  =

Dear Joan,
====My girlfriend recently left me and it made me angry so I decided to seek revenge on her. To get revenge I planned wrote a letter to her saying that I wanted to spend a night with her at my apartment. Once she arrived at my house I beat her up and then the police came. Little did I know, but this girl had a brother, an Arab brother. Before I knew it, he was following me everywhere. Whenever I would go to get food I would turn around and see him following close behind. Pretty soon he started bringing his friends along. At first it was one, but slowly grew to three, and before I knew it there was an entire gang of people following me. Then one day I went for an innocent walk in the park just to get out of my apartment. I have no clue where they came from, I even looked around right before it happened, but one minute I'm walking and the next I'm lying flat on the ground. The girl's brother pinned me down on the ground and told me that I had better watch my back because he wasn't going to keep following me around for long. He told me action was going to be taken soon and then he and his gang of friends left me there. I'm not sure what they expect to do to me but I don't want to find out. How can I prevent a fight or keep them from hurting me, possibly even killing me?====

Dear Raymond,
====I see that the situation you're in is a very serious one and I hope I can give you some useful advice. You need to start by approaching this man before he starts anything. Try catching him when he's not expecting anything, especially from you, this way he isn't as likely to be prepared to fight you or cause you any harm. When you approach him, do so calmly and don't be aggressive or hostile. Try saying something like "I'm really sorry for what I did to your sister and it won't happen ever again. I hope you can move past this and forgive me for what I have done." After you say that, no matter what he says back or tries to do, do not sink to his level and become violent. The last thing you need is to make him angry and cause him to start to fight you. If worse comes to worst and he becomes violent anyway, defend yourself despite trying to make peace. If you can’t catch him off guard before he confronts you, try talking him out of fighting you when he comes to do you harm. Just remember, the last thing you want to do is do something that will cause him to blow up. If you don’t like those ideas you can always tell the police about your threat. They should be able to either catch him before he attacks you again or send someone to watch over you until they catch him or you feel safe. I hope that this advice will help you avoid a conflict and that it keeps you safe.====